A friend invited me to join the Insecure Writers Support Group and as the first Wednesday of every month is officially 'our' support day, here I am! For my first posting as part of the group, I've chosen a topic that has come up a lot lately - that of other people's opinions. A long time ago (I’m embarrassed to say how many years), my eldest sister said to me, “You’re living pie-in-the-sky, when are you going to come down to earth?” She was of course referring to this ridiculous business of writing stories for children.
Talent is what they say
you have after the novel
is published and favourably
reviewed. Beforehand what
you have is a tedious
delusion, a hobby like knitting.
you have after the novel
is published and favourably
reviewed. Beforehand what
you have is a tedious
delusion, a hobby like knitting.
(Author, unknown)
We were discussing this very issue
recently over on Writing for Children, where upon swapping stories, we discovered
we’d all felt the sting of doubt expressed about our writing, from our nearest
and dearest. Then, coincidentally, the next day the topic came up again on
Facebook. A friend here in New Zealand posted this update: ‘I spent an evening
with people who work in government type jobs. After explaining how long and what it
takes to put together a non-fiction book, two comments are still rankling with
me, ' How nice that you can make a wee bit of money from your hobby,' and, 'It
must be lovely to indulge your creative desires all day.' I just know it
shouldn't irritate me so much but...I did say ' I DO work you know!'
Number one and two on author, A.J. Irving’s list ‘What NOT
to say to children’s writers’ (from the blog post Top Ten Ridiculous Things
People Say to Children’s Writers), were ‘I wish
I had time to write a book’ and ‘Writing is a nice hobby’. Hands up among the
writers and artists, who has heard a version one or other of those chestnuts?
Irving’s
answers: Really?! Who HAS time to write a
book? You make time. You wake up early. You go to bed late. You write while
your kiddos are napping. Whatever it takes…you keep writing.
And...
Writing is a career choice. It takes
ambition and persistence. This is what I want to do. This is what I have to do.
I am a writer.
Yeah, what
she said.
If the
naysayers around you are getting you down, then go spend time with your kids,
or your pets, it always works for me.
The kids and Bolt remind me to sit and scratch smell the roses.
They remind me that sometimes you need to bite off the leash that binds you resist negative opinions.
And most of all, they remind me to stand strong or as they say here, Kia Kaha!
Thanks for reading!
Till next time...
Yvette :-)
One of the greatest joys in life is to feel the victory of knowing you're doing the impossible -- you're writing a book and it's actually coming together, or you have faith that it will come together, or who cares if it's coming together because you actually feel like a writer in the effort of it. Also, I learned to say "I'm a writer," in a way that left no doubt in the questioner's mind that that`s the case. People are in awe of anyone who has actually committed to being a writer. As they should be.
ReplyDeleteI just started recently telling people that I'm a writer, with conviction. Comments like "It's nice that you have the time..." make me want to pull my hair out. It's like equating writing to getting my nails done or laying out in the sun to get a tan. It takes a TON of effort. And it truly is one of the greatest joys of my life.
DeleteYes, yes, a hundred times yes! I so agree, PJ. 'Doing the impossible', that's exactly what this is. Love that analogy. I'll have to add that one to my Great Quotes file (in which you feature heavily already, I might add!!) I'm going to practice my conviction too...
DeleteThat post should be titled "Ten things to say to writers to piss them off!" Seriously, some people are just unaware of their attitudes. For every snobby remark, I look to this comic and it all feels good to me again. http://zenpencils.com/comic/128-bill-watterson-a-cartoonists-advice/
ReplyDeleteThat, and the fact that my daughter introduces me to her friends as follows: "This is my mom. She's a writer!" They're always left in awe. Is it bad that I live for the happy approval of my tween daughter, and hopefully of my 6-year-old son? I don't think so. She understands that I'm doing what I love to do, regardless of society's snobbery. I think it's a good example.
Hi Tanya! I don't think it's bad at all, in fact quite the opposite. I feel our children are here to teach us, if we're willing to listen. It actually takes quite a lot of humility to get down off our parent pedestals of thinking we know best all the time, and really hear what our children are saying. The innocent trust they have is something to be emulated.
DeleteMy youngest son doesn't quite get it yet - he said to me the other day, 'what is it you do?' - I've realized I need to practice the conviction PJ was talking about. Say it loud and proud! I like the sound of zenpencils, I'm going to check that out next. :-)
Hey, Tanya, I just soaked up the glory of zenpencils and shared it on Facebook. Absolutely brilliant! Thanks for that :-)
DeleteSometimes I wonder if people just are too lazy to think about what they are saying and the effect their words have on others. I'm hearing in my head just now, "Do unto others ....." My first book took more than ten years to write; partly because I was learning the craft, and partly because I had to occasionally adjust my priorities when life threw me a curve ball. People can be cruel. My husband and I decided to not have children due to my husband's wonky health. Our 'friends' told us we were being selfish. Ugh! You know, I think we need to just bless those small minded people and let them grow up in their own time and way.
ReplyDeleteHi Feather, love your name! Where do people get off, sometimes? The comments you guys have suffered after making such a brave decision are just what you say, 'small-minded'. Some writer said once (don't ask me who, I forget, although it may have been Jane Yolen), that in order to be a writer you have to be 'like the duck, and let all the criticism roll off your back'. I think that is a pretty good way of handling all criticism. I like to think, it's not about me. It's about them. Sounds like you've got it sorted!
DeleteI've had some negative reactions to my writing, which made me not tell people I was a writer for a long time. I've been telling more nonwriters friends recently, and I've been surprised at their reception. Maybe I have better friends now, but most people I've told recently have been impressed.
ReplyDeleteHi Jenni! Well then, maybe things are changing these days? It's a nice thought. Although, in my circle of friends and acquaintances, these snide comments have been made in the last month, so the old thinking hasn't died out completely yet. As PJ said, (above), he states 'I'm a writer' in a way that leaves no doubt. I wish you luck and I sincerely hope you stand strong in the case of any future negative comments. Feather put it well, 'bless those small minded people and let them grow up in their own time'! :-)
DeleteThis is an outstanding first post to the group! Welcome! I'm so glad you're here. I dread the day when someone says something bad about my writing. I think it may be why my hubby hasn't read my first draft yet. It's not his genre so I think he's afraid he may hate it =P
ReplyDeleteElsie
co-host IWSG
Hey, hi, Elsie! A fellow IWSG member - cool! Thank you for the feedback :-) I intend to hop over and check out the other blogs next. I'm in New Zealand, so being a little unsure how the time difference would work, I posted last thing last night (which was Wednesday 7 here). Now, you've reassured me, I made it! Thanks again. Cheers on the wonderful group too :-)
DeleteI so relate to this. I don't know many that get all the work I put into what i do and for now the pay off has been near to nil. I've been published in anthologies, but trust me there is no money in it. What I'm getting is experience and that is something that can't be bought.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
My sister said that she was so proud of me. But she only said it after finding out a story had been accepted. I don't think she even realized how that hurt. No one gets it.
Anna from Shout with Emaginette
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteEmaginette, I hear you! O boy...let's go get a cuppa and sit and talk about it. My gosh, I could talk on this subject for hours. However, to your point that no one gets it - when my other writer friends and I were discussing the slings & arrows we'd taken from family members recently - I made the point that the only people who ever actually 'get it' are other writers. That's why connecting with other like-minded authors online is so very important. There's comfort in relating, and honestly sharing and through this process, we support one another in this lonely endeavour. As Angela Ackerman said in a blog post this year, 'we writers are a nurturing community'. And thank goodness!
DeleteI'm quite lucky to not have experienced a lot of nay-saying regarding my writing career (such as it is). :) My family and friends are very supportive and...here's the important part...I don't talk to strangers. Hahahaha! Just kidding. But, really, it's like with my homeschooling; a lot of people I know get negative remarks about homeschooling, but I have experienced almost none of it.
ReplyDeleteSo, I guess I'm either a lucky person, or, I have a lousy memory and can't remember the times when I've heard anything negative about my writing or homeschooling. ;)
Hi Tee! Your family and friends are the kind the rest of us wish we had. However, you do bring up a really valid point, Teresa, that of talking to other people about your precious projects. I was just commenting on another person's blog, who blogged that halfway through trying to explain her story idea to another person, she ran out of steam and got to the point where she didn't believe in it herself! I shared one of Anne Rice's little sayings, 'Always protect your voice and your vision'. Other authors I've read say don't share your story ideas until after the book is published.
DeletePeople who aren't writers just don't understand. It's something they can't see progress or results, so they don't treat it as real.
ReplyDeleteAnd welcome to the IWSG! You are in the right place.
Thank you, Alex! I've been officially welcomed to the fold, no less!! And yep, you've hit the nail on the head, seeing is believing :-)
DeleteOh heavens, yes - the one about "I wish I had time to write a book." I never knew quite why that bothered me until now, because it sounds like such a nice thing to say, like oh, you're so lucky. Also, aww...to the puppy lessons. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, exactly, Annehiga (or is it just Anne?), I'm a mother of three boys, running this property on my own. Where do I find the time to write? I squeeze it into every possible crevice and corner of my day and night, that's how!
DeleteAbout 25 years ago someone told me that I couldn't call myself a writer until I had something published. I took it to heart and started writing for magazines & newspapers, including the L.A. Times. More than two decades later and with 3 published novels, I still get comments such as, "At least it gives you something to do." And most recent.... "So, you write books because it makes you feel good?" I don't even bother to explain anymore, because only another writer or someone in the arts can truly understand. Keep writing everyone! And looking to more awesome blog posts from you, Yvette! :-)
ReplyDeleteHello, my dear friend, Maria! So nice to see you here :-) Your comment echoes something I said recently over on Wanatribe actually. I said that it probably isn't until one hits the status of Jackie Collins or the like, that people feel you've 'succeeded' as an author, and therefore will accept it as a serious choice of profession.
DeleteMy youngest son will often echo what his father says, nearly directly. The other day, he said to me, 'I don't know what I want to do when I grow up...but I can't be an author. It has to be a proper job.' I knew where that had come from, so I zipped my lips, boy! :-) Nevertheless, in his innocence, he'd put into words what most people probably think.
And thank you, for the encouragement!!
Look at you go, Yvette! Welcome to the IWSG. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Candi! I looked for your blog post on FB actually and couldn't find it, so I commented on other people's instead. I appreciate the pointers and all the behind-the-scenes help!! :-)
DeleteYup, kids and animals are great encouragers!
ReplyDeleteHi Joanna! How awesome to see you here :-) Thanks for stopping by. I agree, I find them exactly the same way - both offer unconditional love which is the greatest blessing in life! :-)
DeleteJees...those pic.s just reminded I have a garden full of Dog Poo - but I don't have a dog! My neighbor has an award winning garden - he also has a dog!
ReplyDeleteLazarian Wordsmith Writer #BUYMYBOOK Oh! Just remembered you have bought it...
Hey, man, thanks for stopping by! Yes, I'm a proud owner of a copy of The Knowledge Seekers & the Land of Cudhabeen. Love that title by the way!
DeleteFabulous, Yvette! Now we need a t-shirt lol
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Yes! I write for kids. Now deal with it.
DeleteHow's that? :-)
Oh my gosh, I love that quote!!! it's so true! Can I use this? I'll give you credit. I've thought this many times. People don't understand that writing is WORK and TIME and SACRIFICE. Love this piece! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYes, of course you can use the quote. So sorry, Marianne, that I didn't respond earlier. I'm just working my way through my 8 pages of Inbox and found this. And I agree, no one really understands apart from other writers, the sheer amount of tenacity and effort that go into writing fiction!
DeleteThree cheers to you, Yvette. You are so right. I suppose writing Children's literature is akin to the reactions of people upon meeting a kindergarten teacher. Very much enjoyed your article.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! You're a kindergarten teacher, how cool! My kids went through kindergarten and I admired the sheer energy and creativity of those women. The mother help days I did there, I came home shattered. Good on you. :-) And thanks for commenting!
Delete